From what I’ve learned so far, God is not some Magic 8 ball we only shake when we need to make a decision. He gave us a heart and mind according to His will. Therefore, we need to pray for a heart and mind that is according to His will and not just wait around until He drops an answer from the heavens for us.
I think too much.
Maybe one day I will wake up and all of it will be gone.
For not trying. For consciously keeping people out because I want to be alone for now… or forever. I don’t know.
But there are days when I want people to notice me and acknoweldge what I’ve been going through. I believe in a democracy of sorrow –no pain is greater than the other. Pain is pain however you may feel it for whatever reasons. Pain should be respected. I want people to respect this pain because I failed. Because I wanted this. Because I thought this was what I wanted. Because I was willing to put myself in it for the long run. Because, right now, it feels like I’m breaking my own heart again.
Because, because, because.
If you think this is for you, you are probably right.
…because feelings. Ugh.
I don’t know. I’m closing the possibility of it happening because it can’t and you won’t. But I will be just here, somewhere between the gray. And this time, it will be up to you.
“And I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse and I wasn’t going to be okay for a very long time.”